Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Hey! I should be able to steal from my brother if I darn well want to!

I got home slightly too late to listen to the ballgame I was particularly interested in, though I did listen to the last two outs on the way home from the train. I haven't broken down and subscribed to either the cable Extra Innings package ($$$ but high quality) or either of the packages ($$ but medium to low quality with crappy support) but my brother got tagged by mlb's auto-renew on his subscription to from last year. (I avoided this fate only through the cunning loss of my debit card and subsequent replacement last fall. Clever of me, no? And quite foresighted as well. How did I know in October? Must be psychic!) Sadly for Thomas, he has the World's Worse Web in his apartment (or possibly a faulty network card) and isn't capable of utilizing said subscription. Besides which, with tonight's Sox game in the books, he probably wasn't watching anyhow, so I decided I was intrigued by the 13th inning Nationals/Phillies game and tried to use his log in.

There are two different levels of this year. The basic 400K version and a theoretically much better 700K. Thomas has the 400. So I click on the 400K link and am redirected to a page telling me that "You have reached this page because your current subscription does not authorize viewing 700K streams" and giving me only one option - pay them $30 more (presumably of my brother's money) to get the 700K. I tried it again. Logged out, tried again. Asked for a different 400K game (MIN/SEA - I really didn't care.) Same thing.

Apparently there were no 400K webstreams tonight. Screw you guys who didn't want to give big greedy MLB more money. is run extremely poorly, so I can't say that I'm surprised, but it sure doesn't make me want to subscribe. I think I'll be listening to my Sox play on XM, or I'll pony up the cash for cable.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Now, on with the countdown...

I'm listening to the Sox game on XM, like you do when you don't have Extra Innings. (I'm still seriously tempted by it - cable had a free preview on all last week and I loved getting to turn the game on and watch in on TV. (Wow. I feel like some sort of freakish throwback to maybe the 50's... "Holy Toledo, Mabel - we can watch the game on that thar television.")

Sometimes, during the commercial breaks, they play ads for other XM stations, and I swear I just heard one for Casey Kasem's American Top 40. "Do you remember waking up and knowing it was Sunday morning because you would roll over, turn on the radio, and hear Casey Kasem say, 'Now, on with the countdown.'" Why yes. Yes I do. I remember the little red radio I had too. It was rectangular, about 8 inches wide by maybe 6 high and few inches deep, rounded on the sides, and bright cherry red. With a handle on top. I remember going outside at the old house, setting the radio at the base of the big tree, and swinging on the rope swing for hours.

It's funny, because I was never actually that huge a fan of the countdown. I didn't care especially where Madonna hit, or anyone else for that matter. Sometimes I would tape the countdown because I knew that a song I particularly wanted a copy of would be in the top ten or so, but generally it wasn't a big deal to me. But it is evocative of the 80s for me, the way I imagine VH1 would like "I love the 80s" to be. Just hearing that quote made me virtually able to smell the spring grass in the front yard, and feel the thump of the hard packed earth under the swing where my siblings and I had worn away the grass with our feet on the swing.

It feels like a long time ago.

Monday, April 16, 2007

I just want to DO something with my life

I need to change.

I like what I do for a living. It's fun. It (mostly) pays the bills. The people are pretty great.

I don't feel fullfilled anymore though. I feel like I'm just muddling through, doing the work. I'm not accomplishing anything. Increasingly, I feel as though I should be doing something that has impact. I should be living a useful life. I should be helping people, or changing things. Perhaps I should just sell everything I own and join the Peace Corps.

Except that the Peace Corps doesn't want me. Remeber that college degree I set out for? I got distracted by the lure of work in my field and I have't much regretted that. I finished three years of college, and I got out of it what I wanted - good training and experience that helped me get an apprenticeship in technical theatre. Since then, I've been working continuously in a field where it seems like all jobs are transient. I can't complain. But it's hard to switch careers (assuming I can think of something I want to do) without a degree.

I thought about going back to school in VA, get a job at the nifty performing arts center there at CNU, spend a few years there doing the part time student thing. I just don't really want to move back to VA. There were, I thought, two good reasons to return there to finish. One, the director of the theatre department would be very helpful in getting me credit for lessons learned elsewhere (for example, he doesn't think that I really need to sit Lighting Design II since I've designed professionally) and two, going to school in VA seemed like it would be a cheaper prospect than going to school in NY.

Those advantages aren't what they used to be. I don't really want the theatre degree, unless perhaps it becomes an arts administration degree - for the technical applications, my work experience is far more importaint. So the additional credits for life experience at CNU are only useful insofar as they get me closer to graduation, with a degree I don't really want anymore. (Dave points out, accurately enough, that if I finished that, I could go to grad school in something totally different.) It turns out also that in-state tuition at CNU (I've been faithfully paying income taxes to VA while on tour and in random other places for that status) is almost twice as expensive as in-state tuition at CUNY. I should apply to City College and see what transfers. Especially if we're going to move to upstate Manhattan next year!

Problem is, I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I always thought I would have that sorted by now!